The windchill factor and humidex are all very well, but they really don’t give you an accurate, all-encompassing interpretation of whether you really, truly, want to go out for a walk. Thus, I am motivated to bring you the Dogidex. The dogidex is defined, quite simply, as the degree to which the weather should be done to a dog. Thus, for example, when it’s cool and grey and bland and there’s barely anything to smell, the dogidex is 0. Miserable cold and pouring rain, which you sholuldn’t do to a dog, represents a dogidex of -1, while a warm, sunny day – perfect for walkies – has a dogidex of 1. Here’s a chart of typical dogidex values, presented For Your ConvenienceTM:-
+2 Gorgeous spring day with chasable squirrels +1 Perfect day for walkies +½ Cold day with interesting smells 0 Bland day, no smells at all -½ Foggy and dank -1 Miserable cold, howling wind, torrential rain -1½ Crisp day with interesting smells that turn out to be skunks -2 Freezing sleet, dog coated in ice -5 Tornado, can't find dog
Our researchers believe that a dogidex of +5 is a theoretical possibility, but there is a real danger of your dog exploding from pleasure; certainly you can expect its tail to drop off from overuse.