Dogidex

The windchill factor and humidex are all very well, but they really don’t give you an accurate, all-encompassing interpretation of whether you really, truly, want to go out for a walk. Thus, I am motivated to bring you the Dogidex. The dogidex is defined, quite simply, as the degree to which the weather should be done to a dog. Thus, for example, when it’s cool and grey and bland and there’s barely anything to smell, the dogidex is 0. Miserable cold and pouring rain, which you sholuldn’t do to a dog, represents a dogidex of -1, while a warm, sunny day – perfect for walkies – has a dogidex of 1. Here’s a chart of typical dogidex values, presented For Your ConvenienceTM:-

+2  Gorgeous spring day with chasable squirrels
+1  Perfect day for walkies
+½  Cold day with interesting smells
 0  Bland day, no smells at all
-½  Foggy and dank
-1  Miserable cold, howling wind, torrential rain
-1½ Crisp day with interesting smells that turn out to be skunks
-2  Freezing sleet, dog coated in ice
-5  Tornado, can't find dog

Our researchers believe that a dogidex of +5 is a theoretical possibility, but there is a real danger of your dog exploding from pleasure; certainly you can expect its tail to drop off from overuse.

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