– If I have a kid, I will name them ‘Quill’, so they can grow up to be a writer.

– Or you can call them ‘Label’…

– ‘Label’? For being a supermarket cashier?

– Yeah. Or even better—‘Barcode’! That has a nice sound to it!

Gnibz%t Beans

Gnibz%t beans, seasonally available in most groceries, are easily prepared and pleasing to the human palate. Be careful, however, always to buy the ‘instant’ or pre-exploded kind. Cooking the unexploded beans requires patience, skill, special equipment and a large measure of foolhardiness.


– Anyone who thinks you’re dumb must be very stupid.

– But I think I’m dumb, so I must be very stupid.

– That’s right.

– So you must be very stupid too, because you agree with me.

– Yeah, that’s dumb!


– You’re the Emperor of the brain, is that good?

– I guess it’s better than the Pope of the kidney…

– You’re being pathological again!

– …the Prime Minister of the nostril…

– That’s Vaseline!

– Look who’s being pathological!